The great heavyweight fighter Joe Louis once embarked on what was called his "Bum of the Month" tour.
This meant that once a month, or more often, Louis would slap around an unknown pug who wasn't really tough enough or skilled enough to be in the ring with him.
He did it because there were so very few fighters really worthy of fighting Louis.
So, to make money in those pre-TV days, stay in shape, and remind the sporting world that he was the best, Louis took on whomever was available.
This meant that once a month, or more often, Louis would slap around an unknown pug who wasn't really tough enough or skilled enough to be in the ring with him.
He did it because there were so very few fighters really worthy of fighting Louis.
So, to make money in those pre-TV days, stay in shape, and remind the sporting world that he was the best, Louis took on whomever was available.
He fought more than 100 such fights in places like Topeka, Kan., Waycross, Ga., Odessa, Texas, and Moline, Ill.
Because his opponents were such second-raters - who ever heard of Sugar Lip Anderson? - the fights weren't even official title bouts. They were labeled as exhibitions.
But the crowd had a good time. And the local fighter would be able to brag that he once had the honor of being knocked senseless by Joe Louis.
It seems to me that this country has found itself in a position similar to that of Joe Louis.
Just as Louis had the physical ability to demolish anyone who challenged him, we have the military power to do the same.
We could, if we wished, blow up the entire world and everybody on it, including ourselves. Or we could single out one small part of the world and just erase it.
Who is as strong? The Soviet Union, maybe. But it's not convenient for either of us to settle the question. At least not at the moment.
As strong as we are, though, there seems to be a need in many of us to remind others of our strength. And to remind ourselves.
That's why there was such heartfelt pride and jubilation when we roared into Grenada and defeated a swarm of Cuban construction workers.
And it's the reason there's almost unanimous support in Congress, and probably among the American people, for the way we zapped those Libyan patrol boats last week.
The appealing thing about both these adventures is that they aren't really full-scale wars, which we don't want to get involved in right now.
We're calling the Libyan action a "confrontation." I don't recall what we named the Grenada invasion.
In that way, they're similar to Joe Louis' "Bum of the Month" fights, which were pushover exhibitions. The patrol boats from Libya were pushovers, as were the construction workers on Grenada. There's no risk of our losing, and they serve as military exhibitions.
When you think about it, we said we sent our planes over the Gulf of Sidra as part of a military exercise. What better exercise could there be than actually sinking a few patrol boats and bombing a couple of radar sites?
So, what I'm suggesting is that President Reagan give some thought to adopting the old Joe Louis "Bum of the Month" tour as part of our national policy.
Moammar Khadafy surely isn't the only national leader who has been making a pest of himself. And Libya isn't the only relatively small country that's been unfriendly to us.
Look at a map of the world. They're all over the place. You can't even pronounce many of their names, the foreigners.
I'm not saying that we should just go in and start shooting missiles at them for no reason. Nor should we do anything to provoke them into attacking us. As Larry Speakes, the White House spokesman says, that's not why we went into the Gulf of Sidra. We just needed the exercise. And in this fitness- conscious age, who would deny us our exercise?
But I'm sure there are a lot of little countries who, if we gave them an opportunity, would be willing to do something to provoke us. That's all those pugs were doing when they climbed in the ring with Joe Louis taking advantage of a rare opportunity to go up against the best.
What did it cost them, really. A few cuts and bruises, and a broken nose maybe, all for a lifetime of memories.
And what did it cost Khadafy? A few small boats. A few missiles. A few dozen of his citizens. All for the acclaim of his Arab friends and the world's many crazies.
So I think President Reagan, whether he knows it or not, is on to something that could become quite popular - his version of the old "Bum of the Month" tour.
The crowds will love it. But as a natural-born crowd pleaser, I'm sure he already knows that.
Because his opponents were such second-raters - who ever heard of Sugar Lip Anderson? - the fights weren't even official title bouts. They were labeled as exhibitions.
But the crowd had a good time. And the local fighter would be able to brag that he once had the honor of being knocked senseless by Joe Louis.
It seems to me that this country has found itself in a position similar to that of Joe Louis.
Just as Louis had the physical ability to demolish anyone who challenged him, we have the military power to do the same.
We could, if we wished, blow up the entire world and everybody on it, including ourselves. Or we could single out one small part of the world and just erase it.
Who is as strong? The Soviet Union, maybe. But it's not convenient for either of us to settle the question. At least not at the moment.
As strong as we are, though, there seems to be a need in many of us to remind others of our strength. And to remind ourselves.
That's why there was such heartfelt pride and jubilation when we roared into Grenada and defeated a swarm of Cuban construction workers.
And it's the reason there's almost unanimous support in Congress, and probably among the American people, for the way we zapped those Libyan patrol boats last week.
The appealing thing about both these adventures is that they aren't really full-scale wars, which we don't want to get involved in right now.
We're calling the Libyan action a "confrontation." I don't recall what we named the Grenada invasion.
In that way, they're similar to Joe Louis' "Bum of the Month" fights, which were pushover exhibitions. The patrol boats from Libya were pushovers, as were the construction workers on Grenada. There's no risk of our losing, and they serve as military exhibitions.
When you think about it, we said we sent our planes over the Gulf of Sidra as part of a military exercise. What better exercise could there be than actually sinking a few patrol boats and bombing a couple of radar sites?
So, what I'm suggesting is that President Reagan give some thought to adopting the old Joe Louis "Bum of the Month" tour as part of our national policy.
Moammar Khadafy surely isn't the only national leader who has been making a pest of himself. And Libya isn't the only relatively small country that's been unfriendly to us.
Look at a map of the world. They're all over the place. You can't even pronounce many of their names, the foreigners.
I'm not saying that we should just go in and start shooting missiles at them for no reason. Nor should we do anything to provoke them into attacking us. As Larry Speakes, the White House spokesman says, that's not why we went into the Gulf of Sidra. We just needed the exercise. And in this fitness- conscious age, who would deny us our exercise?
But I'm sure there are a lot of little countries who, if we gave them an opportunity, would be willing to do something to provoke us. That's all those pugs were doing when they climbed in the ring with Joe Louis taking advantage of a rare opportunity to go up against the best.
What did it cost them, really. A few cuts and bruises, and a broken nose maybe, all for a lifetime of memories.
And what did it cost Khadafy? A few small boats. A few missiles. A few dozen of his citizens. All for the acclaim of his Arab friends and the world's many crazies.
So I think President Reagan, whether he knows it or not, is on to something that could become quite popular - his version of the old "Bum of the Month" tour.
The crowds will love it. But as a natural-born crowd pleaser, I'm sure he already knows that.
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